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singleness – Janeil Harricharan

singleness

Maybe one day I’ll talk about it as I see fit. I don’t have the will to probably spell it out.

In 2007 I tried to put my best foot forward today to meet someone, told them I liked and was interested in them. Someone I knew for a good 1+ years at least. 3 days later they started dating a white guy from their church. That bothered me greatly, as if they just started seeing someone for the sake of not being single.

Something similar happened a few days ago, to someone I knew for a number of years. The same scenario played out when I told her I was interested in her. Lightning doesn’t strike twice? Well it certainly did here.

However, that seems to be part of a bigger, indicative problem that’s been happening since 2005. I’m not wanted or have any interest in with the people I meet. I have tried to at least work with someone, but considering how much effort there is to even get anyone to give you more than a second of their time, it’s clearly evident I’m alien and foreign to the local tastes. My homeschooled background does not help, as I’ve not mixed with my age of people in those critical, early years either.

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This was something I was doodling on my tablet this evening. I’ve just felt isolated a bit and though I have people to talk to here at ETSU, it doesn’t feel real deep and I don’t think I feel like I fit in to do something more. My mind kind of wandered to doing something impactful with a girlfriend figure by my side; I usually draw my OC Jennifer in that role, but I guess the Sheena character from Tales of Symphonia was in my head at the time. Not sure how to find that at college, but it doesn’t seem like it’s going to happen from hanging out in a Christian outreach group, that’s for sure.

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